The world has been spiraling into chaos for the past month and a half, and with the impending boredom of everyday mundane activities, I decided to watch the NFL Draft for the first time in my life. Congrats to my 5 classmates who got drafted, although it really hurt to see Jalen Reagor go to the Eagles, as a life-long Cowboys fan myself. I was the only newbie among my brothers, my dad, and our neighbors watching this draft together outside under CDC guidelines, and I made sure to ask a lot of questions. Now that it’s done, though: boys, I think we need to have a chat.

Now, I know that this new remote draft is not common practice, but surprisingly, that’s not what I have concerns about. Instead, I want to focus on the timing, the efficiency, and the presentation. Let’s dive in.

So this timing thing of having 9 minutes to lock in a pick and then it takes a minute or two for the announcement to be made… look, I get that it’s tradition, that this is how it’s always been. I know that the draft lasting three days added a sense of flavor to your lives, ones that are currently just sequences of boring moments and a desire for normalcy. And I’m sure that it also has a lot to do with some kind of betting situation that’s going on in Vegas and online casinos everywhere. But seriously? It dragged on forever.

This prompted me to really believe that if we were in another world where women were in charge of the NFL, all 7 rounds would be done in the time frame that the first round took. I mean seriously, have you seen how sororities sort and vet women during recruitment season? Impressive. I mean, we are talking about thousands of women at some of these big schools being sorted in a day between rounds. It took THREE DAYS to manage 255 football players.

The efficiency here was minimal. They kept getting people to talk, and if a pick was locked in during the conversation, the round was delayed so that the interview could continue. They had Luke Bryan perform during round 4 or 5, I forget which one, and other interviews resulted in names not even being announced. So while this temporary and prolonged return of sports may be great for this year, I think we need to look at redoing some structuring for next year.

And of course, the presentation. I kept asking if it was like this every year, and I was informed that this was more dramatic than years past, but dang. It seemed like every player had a tragic backstory. And I want to note that I respect these players and the hardships that they had to overcome, but what are the odds! Like wow, it was just continuous sad stories, one player after another, being told during a time where there’s not too much hope going around.

That being said, shout out to that one player in the first round who saved someone with CPR last year after learning CPR when he was 12. And the other guy who donated bone marrow to save his sister, that was really cool too.

On a final note, I don’t get why people hate the commissioner. Is that another part of tradition that I just don’t understand? And did anyone else see how he became progressively more drunk as the rounds went on?