It’s been a few weeks since I updated this series, and that was intentional. With everything going on in the country, I’ve been reminding time and time again that we are judged and hurt by how we appear on the outside. There is no value in the way we look if we truly put our worth on what matters, what’s inside, but that’s not how the world works.Because I link my blog to my instagram, I wanted to include here a link to some Anti-Racism resources if you are looking for education and awareness: https://medium.com/wake-up-call/a-detailed-list-of-anti-racism-resources-a34b259a3eea.

I’ve been able to reflect over the past few weeks on why it’s so hard to get rid of that notion that appearances matter. For me, it’s my physique, which isn’t impossible to change. For others, it’s the color of their skin, something permanent that we have been trained over hundreds of years to hold prejudices about. We make judgments about what we can see on the outside, and it’s about high-time we stopped doing that.

I wanted to write today about where we put our self-worth. Is it on our outer appearance or on the inside? It’s so easy to say what it SHOULD be. I wish I vary my worth based on whether or not I can fit into a particular pair of shorts. I shouldn’t care my weight fluctuates 3-5 pounds a day depending on my water consumption. I know I should care more about my identity as an autonomous individual with thoughts and feelings rather than my capability to look cute for a night out. But that currently isn’t my reality. My reality is one that I am in constant struggle to restructure my self-worth with the permanent parts of myself, which is a process.

Part of this whole blog series is my own personal exploration of this question: how do I get past my own personal prejudices of the way I look to make sure I can achieve my goals in a healthy and sustainable way? How can I learn from others without feeling the need to compare? At what point am I doing this for other people’s perception of me rather than my own?

These aren’t easy questions to grapple with in the day-to-day momentum of this project. Getting in shape and staying in shape is one thing, but a cognitive shift from feeling in constant need of improvement to satisfaction is entirely different.

This is something I want to explore more, especially with other women who feel the same about the relationship of exercise, fitness, and the pressure of being a 20-something year old woman in today’s society.

I’m trying to take some inspiration from Lizzo, who has been belittled and shamed by society for her appearance. She has been on her own health journey and is loving herself everyday, and that has changed her perception of her worth in its entirety.

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I’ll be posting on (hopefully) Wednesday with more updates on this topic with a couple of friends to keep the conversation going.